How To Build Confidence and Improve Your Self-Image

I recently saw this post online which described a theory of why people seem to lose confidence in themselves. The post says that every time you fail to do something you said you would do, you are subconsciously telling your brain (or your ego) that you're incapable of following through. The more this happens, no matter how small of a task, the more you start to believe that you're incompetent, and the more your self-esteem drops. At some point, the build-up of all these little attacks on your self-confidence will turn into a greater problem of not showing up for yourself, not speaking to yourself kindly, and developing a poor self-image.

On the flip side, if you set yourself some small tasks to accomplish, and keep it up for 30+ days, it's a great way for you to train your brain to believe in your ability, worth, and image again. I read Atomic Habits by James Clear a few years back and I think that book is a great "how-to" for this method as well as provides scientific explanations behind habit-building and the best way to do it. It can be something as simple as "drinking water every morning" or "writing one character of the alphabet on a piece of paper daily for 26 days". The goal here isn't to build up a brand-new routine or habit. It's just to show yourself that when you set out to do something, you are able to achieve it. When you start building that trust with yourself again, it then becomes easier to build other habits and routines that you'd like to integrate.

Some Therapy Talk

In my most recent therapy session, we chatted about this exact issue. At some point in the last year, I started to really beat myself up for not being able to maintain my desired daily routine. Although I was still productive throughout my days and remained a high-functioning working professional, because I wasn't able to maintain a regular workout schedule or go on as many walks as I wanted, I started to lose faith in myself.

I would look at my weekly to-do lists and just focus on what I didn't accomplish, rather than feeling proud of what I did. In order to work towards being kinder to myself, the homework I was assigned was to create 2 lists at the end of each week. One showing what tasks I didn't complete, that I should try to complete the following week. The other shows all the things I did accomplish no matter how small. If I cleaned that week, write it down. If I went on a walk 3/7 days, write that down. Allowing yourself to point out the positive moments in your week where you feel like you accomplished something can help to reframe your mindset.

I hope this helps anyone else who might be in the same boat this year.